Religion

Jokes

Two great rabbis have met in a hospitable house. They didn’t talk to each other the whole evening. When the host seeing one of them off asked for the reason of their silence, the rabbi said: "You see, I’m a great rabbi and he is a great rabbi. He knows everything and I know everything. What shall we talk about?"

If you say: "There’s no saints", even atheists will get offended.

Stanisław Jerzy Lec,
the Polish satirist

An Israel Ambassador to the United Nations says:

"I want to begin my speech with a retrospective journey into the history. Once upon a time Moses guided Jews along the desert. It was hot, they were thirsty. Moses stroked the dune and it turned into a lake. Jews drank, Moses put off his cloths and decided to swim. When he came out of the lake, he didn’t find his cloths. Perhaps, Arabs stole it."

Yasir Arafat:

"It’s a lie! Then there were no Arabs there!"

The Ambassador:

"Oh! That’s exactly what I wanted to begin with."

Inflatable chapels have been set up on Italian beaches. Local humorists say an inflatable chapel is the first step to an inflatable priest.

Two girls in bikini after sunbathing decided to visit the church of a male monastery. First they doubted if they could go there dressed like this, but finally took the risk. In the monastery, they at once heard remarks regarding their appearance and one of the girls said:

"I've told we should cover our heads!"

"Father, is it true that man is created in God's image?"

"That's for sure."

"And me too?"

"Sure, like any other man."

"And, father, when we dare to change a man, don't we violate will and intention of the Creator? Isn't it a blasphemy to interfere in the image given to us from above, integrate and absolute in its harmony?"

"I understand what you're driving at, son. Just say that you don't want to have your hair cut."

"Synagogue, good afternoon! I'd like to come, but I don't have a hijab. May I wrap a sari instead?"

* * *
"Hello, synagogue? Do you know a workshop where I can have an icon painted? They told me to call a synagogue on the question."

* * *

A young man of typical Caucasus appearance comes to the synagogue reception:

"It's written here (he shows a business card of the synagogue): mezuzah protects Jewish house. I'm looking for a job, can you take me for a mezuzah?

"Mr. Justice, I'm not lying, the Lord is my witness!"

"And how should I serve Him a notice? Perhaps, you'd better do it yourself."

A row in Moscow Linguistic University: D-student Petrov occasionally called forth a demon at Latin exam.

8-year-old wife of a Saudi sheikh demanded her share of property after the divorce in ice cream.