"I heard you've got married lately, right?"
"No doubt, your wife is a beauty, isn't she?"
"She is, exactly the Venus de Milo, also armless in household. She's got all my dishes broken."
Two "Shahid" bombers go to fulfill a task.
One asks the other:
The second replies:
"Sure! Anyhow, it’s my first time!"
What is superfamiliarity?
It’s when you start your prayer with "Hey, you!.."
It took Odyssey twenty years to come back home from Troy. Surely, the gods were to blame as they impeded him in every possible way…
…At least that’s what he told his wife.
A Jew comes to the synagogue every day and prays:
"Oh my God, please, help me win a million!"
However, his prayers yield no result. Finally, he feels annoyed and says:
"Oh, my God, help me win a million, if you don’t, I will go to an Orthodox church!"
As he doesn't win anything, the Jew goes to an Orthodox church and prays:
"Oh, Jesus, help me win a million, then I will donate a half million to the church."
And the same day he wins a million. Next day the Jew goes to the synagogue again and prays:
"Thank you, my God, that you fulfilled my request, though you were long in answering."
"There's an omen, if you see a spider, you'll soon get a letter. I've been to the exhibition of spiders. What does it mean?"
"You'll get piles of spam!"
Oh, Lord, please, do not give me what I want, give me what I need!
Two priests are fixing a board with inscription: "Stop! The end is near! Turn around before it’s too late!" A truck is passing by beside them at high speed, the driver is cursing and shaking fist at them: "Damned cultists! You screw me down!"
The car passes out of sight, the sounds of crash and bubbles are being heard. One priest says to the other: "Perhaps, you were right and we should better write, "Bridge is destroyed."
A collector of old books asks his friend whether he has any books of such kind.
"I have it no more, his friend says. I threw away a very old Bible a week ago. I think it was published by… Gut… what’s his name… Guten…"
"Gutenberg? You threw away Gutenberg Bible? Don’t you know it’s the first book ever printed! It’s priceless! One book costs four million dollars!"
"No one would give a penny for mine. A queer fellow covered all margins with his notes. I believe his name was Martin Luther."
From the Clerical News collection of Svetlana Naumova:
A man invited two girls to sauna and ordered drinks and snacks. He tells a waiter, “Please, dress a salad with vegetable oil, not mayonnaise. I’m fasting, after all!”
* * *
A devout and well-off man devised all his property to a monastery where the monks should pray for him during exactly half of the time left before the Judgment Day. There were many claimants to his inheritance, but all failed to prove that they would pray exactly half of the time left before the Judgment Day, as this date in unknown to humans.
True heirs, however, turned up. What did they say?
They said that they would pray every other day.
* * *
"In a Sunday school, children are taught to act according to conscience, rather than according to Freud." (Quoted by a TV show)
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