Religion

Jokes

A Soviet joke recurs: the Bible is a very educative book. Though there are some defects. By the way, its author urges to believe in God.

Gay marriage should be only between a man and a woman

Arnold Schwarzenegger

Theomachists throw down gods created in their own image

When mechanic Sidorov read Goethe’s Faust, he decided to sell his soul to the devil for a flat in a Moscow prestigious district. The devil burst into laughter and said the prices had changed long ago and Sidorov can’t count for more than immortality.

An elder friend has told me a story. He was a member of the Communist Party’s city committee. He was not an ordinary member, but a member of its presidium. Once there was a meeting of the Party’s active functionaries. Fight against religion was on the agenda. The head of the department speaks and tells how solemn it is in the church, how priests can work with masses informally.

- Comrades, we need to talk to people and not to read from the paper, and we need to talk graphically and figuratively. Thus there is a chance to stop the church expansion. (Hearty applause).

The Secretary for Ideology speaks after her and spins out thesis of anti-church propaganda. He reads it out from the paper and stutters terrifically.

All this is very upsetting. But we keep up appearances and behave with decorum. The director of a plant, an old honored worker who was sniffing nearby, twisted uneasily in chair and finally lost his patience. He whispered to me:

- He should be sent to the church to preach. Then no propaganda will be needed! He will scare away everyone off the church!

- Can you lend me some money on parole?
- No problem!
- But what if I won't pay back?
- You will be ashamed when you meet your Maker.
- Well, who knows when it happens?
- If you don't pay back, you'll meet him on the morrow of the due day.

A referee dies and goes to the paradise’s gate to meet over there St. Peter before entering.

- What did you do while alive?
- I was a referee!
- Well, I know lads of your pool, you’re all venal!
- No, I was an honest one! In the final game Russia-France in Moscow I ordered an eleven-meter penalty kick to the Russian goal when the score was 2:2 and there was two minutes before the end of the game.
- Hmmm... Sounds unrealistic. When did that happen?
- Five minutes ago!

Globalization grimaces...

There is a football team called Fenrbahce. From Istanbul. The good part of the players are Brazilians.

They have recently played a match in Milano. The coverage starts and the camera is showing faces of the players coming to the field. The Turks, one after the other, make the sign of the... CROSS.

A Jew came to one town. In the street he saw another Jew and asked him:

- Will it take long to get to the Jewish Cemetery?

- I hope, at least one hundred years, if God helps me!

A poor Jewish tailor speaks to his friend:

- I so much await the Messiah to come. He will raise all the dead and they all will need dress.

- You fool! All the tailor will raise too so you’ll got harsh competition.

- Never mind, there will be no competition. They know nothing of the current fashion.