From The Flowerets of John Paul II:
The pope’s spontaneity has more than once caused a ‘comedy of mistakes.’ Who could ever imagine that the pope personally makes or answers his phone calls?
John Paul II phoned to Switzerland where his friend Bishop Andrzej Deskur was in hospital. The telephone girl asked who was calling before connecting him with Descur’s room.
‘The pope,’ the pope truthfully said.
After some silence the girl said: ‘If you are the pope, I am a Chinese emperor,’ and rang off.
From The Flowerets of John Paul II:
At some pint the journalists became especially interested in John Paul’s health and every rumor on the issue was discussed. Yet when the pope was asked about his health, he answered: ‘I don’t know, I haven’t read the morning news so far!’
An Internet-found story:
A Moscow branch of a famous American business group was informed that the mother agency in the US was organizing a corporative party for their gay staff in Las Vegas. The Moscow branch was ordered to send some gays too, no less than two but no more than five.
The Moscow staff was stunned by the order and the director got really puzzled since no one looked happy to go to Las Vegas. However the director was a skilled one, so he found the solution: the two managers with the worst quarterly rating, they would go to the party.
World’s all leading car makers said they were going to fit out each their car with at least eight cushion pads. To compete with them, the Russian car manufactures said that all modern Russian cars would be equipped with at least eight holy icons each.
US President Reagan, Soviet President Gorbachev and Israeli Prime Minister Peres tried to reach God by phone calling from Washington DC, Moscow and Jerusalem respectively.
The former two failed while Peres succeeded easily.
‘Well, I’ve just been located within the home network,’ he told his surprised colleagues.
A surgeon, an architect and a politician discussed which of their professions was the oldest.
The surgeon said, ‘Well, you remember at the creation when God made Eve, he made her from a rib of Adam? That was the work of a surgeon. You can’t get more ancient than that!’
Then the architect said, ‘Ah, but before that God brought order out of chaos. That was the work of an architect and that makes the architect’s profession oldest.
‘Ah,’ said the politician, ‘But who made the chaos?’
A godly man came to church, prostrated himself before the altar and cried out to God: ‘Please, Lord, won’t you let me win the lottery? I promise before you that I’ll only spend the money on most blessed things.’ Saturday came and went, and the man didn’t get any prizes at all. He took his case to God: ‘I’ve been your faithful servant for all my life, now I am so poor, so please do help me and let me win the lottery,’ he said.
This time he was sure the message had got through. He waited with excitement for the results to be announced. But once again he had won not a sausage. By this stage the priest was getting angry. He marched up to the altar and cried before God again and again. After all some angels who were sick and tired with his noisy prayers came to God and said to him: ‘Look, you’re the almighty God after all, come on, grant this godly person his first prize.’ ‘All right,’ God said, ‘I could’ve done it ages before, but let him buy a ticket at least!’
- Mr. President, why gay parades are often held in democratic capital cities while banned in Moscow?
- You see, parades are normally held by the victorious...
After eating the forbidden fruit, Eve said:
- Goodness, I am naked!
The serpent was waiting for that:
- Madame, may I draw your attention to our new women’s underwear collection…
That’s how marketing works: they first make us try a forbidden fruit and then tell us what we need!
One warm summer day I was walking across a bridge one day, and I came across a man standing on the rail, about to jump. I said 'Stop! don’t do it!'
'Why not?' he said.
I said, 'Well, there’s so much to live for!'
He said, 'Like what?'
I said, 'Well... are you religious or atheist?'
He said, 'I am quite religious.'
I said, 'Me too! Are you a Christian?'
He said, 'I am.'
I said, 'Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant?'
He said, 'Protestant.'
I said, 'Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?'
He said, 'Baptist!'
I said, 'What a happy coincidence. So am I. Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?'
He said, 'Baptist Church of God!'
I said, 'Amen! Are you Original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?'
He said, 'Reformed Baptist Church of God!'
I said, 'Amen and Amen! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?'
He said, 'Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915!'
I said, 'Die, Godless heretic!' and pushed him off the rail.
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