Religion

Jokes

A golden statuette of Ketsalmigonkugankoatlktenotchetlan - a god of diction and memory - was found during excavation works in American Indian village Tau-Khau.

Sectarians came, spoke something about good deeds. I offered them to take my garbage outside - they got offended and left...

One of the foreign film versions of Peace and War shows Napoleon looking over Moscow from the hill: he sees the Cathedral of Christ the Savior built in the 1830s to celebrate the victory over him.

A priest says at the end of the service:

"Next Sunday I will talk to you about lies. To understand what we will be talking about, please read the 17th chapter from the Gospel according to Mark at home."

A week after the priest asks:

"Please, those who have read the 17th chapter, please, raise your hands."

Almost all the believers raised their hands.

"I want to talk about lies exactly with you," the priest further says. "There' s no 17th chapter in the Gospel according to Mark."

Three Fridays, the 13th and one Doomsday is expected in 2012, it's partly cloudy.

Rabbi:

"Jews, remember: there are three most terrific sins. The first sin is spite. If the neighbor's cow dies you shouldn't be glad, you should sympathize with him. The second sin is depression. If you have only one cow, it is old and sick and gives little milk, don't get depressed, but rejoice, someone doesn't have even such cow."

A voice from the crowd:

"Rabbi, but it is spite, a terrific sin, to rejoice that someone doesn't have cow, you've just said it."


Rabbi:

"And the third sin is grunge attitude."

A five thousand rubles banknote boldly comes to the paradise entrance.

It looks wonderful, rosy and tall, not rumpled, not torn and smells nicely.

And a ten rubles banknote is dirty, with a torn corner, mended with sticky tape, covered with signs of indefinite type hopelessly and lamely stands near the hell abyss

An angel comes out and sends the five thousand rubles banknote to the hell and the ten rubles note - to paradise. Everyone is amazed.

The five thousand cries out: "People loved me so much! Everyone was happy when I came to their hands! They praised me so much! I brought only joy to people."

And the ten rubles banknote, going lamely to paradise said: "My dear, and how often have you been to the church?!"

Two angels are speaking at the entrance to paradise:

"Look! A new party of sinners is coming! We won't let them in, their place is in hell!"

"Why to be so intolerant? They are not sinners, they're alternatively righteous. And their place is not in hell, but in paradise with alternative climate."

North-eastern districts of Haiti are suffering from devastating floods. For the first time in history it was decided to use magicians and people with extrasensory perception to fight with the natural calamity. Three thousand magicians are digging drainage channels. Shovels are given to people with extrasensory perception.

A couple of pensioners found themselves in paradise. The sun is shining, birds are singing, it's so nice that the heart is rejoicing. Suddenly the husband clips on the back of his wife's head.

"What's the matter?!"

"If it's not your foolish porridge diet, we would have lived here already for two years!"