Religion

Jokes

Old people believe that if you are honest, work hard and do not commit sins then after your death you will find yourself in the USSR.

"Hi! I haven't seen you for ages!"
"I've been to Israel, at the Wailing Wall."
"You left a note there, don't you?"
"Yea. "Won't be soon. Jacob."

One early morning, I heard a ring at my door. A young man stood at my door and said: "Good morning, I am a Jehovah's Witness and I would like to talk to you. "Please, come on in," I said. He came in looking somewhat confused. "So, what would you like to talk to me about?" "I don't know," he said shyly, "I never went that far!"

Grandson, who was a Goth, came to spend summer months at the country with his granny. All this time local residents believed he was a priest.

An eloquent agent advertising advantages of the district to a potential farm buyer says:

"To become a paradise this farm lacks only good people and water."

"The hell lacks the same things," the buyer answers.

WikiLeaks is to unveil Santa Claus list of bad and good children.

Restorers I know who worked in a Moscow church where Father Nikon was the rector told me a story.

Once they overheard such a conversation: a restorer discussing an important problem said:

"Listen, Father Canon... eh, I meant...Father Nikon"

A young advocate dies in a dream and sees the gates of paradise.

"What has happened? Where am I?!"

A saint turning pages in the book says:

"You see, my dear, you have died..."

"That's impossible!" the advocate interrupts him. "I'm so young and I've just been to a doctor, everything was just fine."

"And we counted all the hours you said you worked and charged your clients and it turned out that you're already 88..."

A man comes into his office, he is very excited.

"Oh, a miracle happened to me, a great miracle, I don't know how to thank God!"

"And what has happened?"

"I was driving to the office. Suddenly a big truck rushed out through a red light and drived right on me. It stopped in five inches from my car. I haven't got even a scratch and drove further."

His colleague says:

"You know, I also have had a miracle today."

"What has happened? A truck?"

"No, I reached the office without a single problem."

After 15 years as a priest, Fr. Pasquale organized a farewell party for him. A renowned politician was also invited to the party for delivering a short address. The politician was late and the priest decided to say a few words to his parish to entertain them.

"I’ve got the first impression of the community from the first confession I heard and thought that the archbishop had sent me to a terrific place, - he said. - The first man who came to confess told me that he had stolen a TV-set and money from his parents, committed a robbery at his job, had exciting intimate relations with his boss’ wife, sometimes he was involved in drug dealing. Summing it up he said that he gave his sister a venereal disease. I was shocked and shaken. But then I got acquainted with other parishioners and saw that they are kind and responsible people. Thus 15 years of my priestly ministry have passed."

Then the politician finally turned out to say the long-awaited address. He said sorry for the delay and started: "I will never forget the day when our priest appeared here for the first time. I was lucky to be the first to confess to him..."