Restorers I know who worked in a Moscow church where Father Nikon was the rector told me a story.
Once they overheard such a conversation: a restorer discussing an important problem said:
"Listen, Father Canon... eh, I meant...Father Nikon"
A young advocate dies in a dream and sees the gates of paradise.
"What has happened? Where am I?!"
A saint turning pages in the book says:
"You see, my dear, you have died..."
"That's impossible!" the advocate interrupts him. "I'm so young and I've just been to a doctor, everything was just fine."
"And we counted all the hours you said you worked and charged your clients and it turned out that you're already 88..."
A man comes into his office, he is very excited.
"Oh, a miracle happened to me, a great miracle, I don't know how to thank God!"
"And what has happened?"
"I was driving to the office. Suddenly a big truck rushed out through a red light and drived right on me. It stopped in five inches from my car. I haven't got even a scratch and drove further."
His colleague says:
"You know, I also have had a miracle today."
"What has happened? A truck?"
"No, I reached the office without a single problem."
After 15 years as a priest, Fr. Pasquale organized a farewell party for him. A renowned politician was also invited to the party for delivering a short address. The politician was late and the priest decided to say a few words to his parish to entertain them.
"I’ve got the first impression of the community from the first confession I heard and thought that the archbishop had sent me to a terrific place, - he said. - The first man who came to confess told me that he had stolen a TV-set and money from his parents, committed a robbery at his job, had exciting intimate relations with his boss’ wife, sometimes he was involved in drug dealing. Summing it up he said that he gave his sister a venereal disease. I was shocked and shaken. But then I got acquainted with other parishioners and saw that they are kind and responsible people. Thus 15 years of my priestly ministry have passed."
Then the politician finally turned out to say the long-awaited address. He said sorry for the delay and started: "I will never forget the day when our priest appeared here for the first time. I was lucky to be the first to confess to him..."
An airport. An airdrome worker is cutting the grass near signaling lights with an ordinary scythe. It is raining and he wears a martial cloak. A plane is being lined up for taking off from the runaway. The mower steps back for 15-20 meters and waits for the plane to take off. His head is covered with the hood, the scythe is in his hands. The plane is passing by and the worker friendly waves good bye to the passengers wishing them good flight.
The pilot says on the transmitter:
"Dispatcher, please tell your mower to lay down his scythe or our passengers will jump out of emergency exits!"
Two great rabbis have met in a hospitable house. They didn’t talk to each other the whole evening. When the host seeing one of them off asked for the reason of their silence, the rabbi said: "You see, I’m a great rabbi and he is a great rabbi. He knows everything and I know everything. What shall we talk about?"
If you say: "There’s no saints", even atheists will get offended.
Stanisław Jerzy Lec,
the Polish satirist
An Israel Ambassador to the United Nations says:
"I want to begin my speech with a retrospective journey into the history. Once upon a time Moses guided Jews along the desert. It was hot, they were thirsty. Moses stroked the dune and it turned into a lake. Jews drank, Moses put off his cloths and decided to swim. When he came out of the lake, he didn’t find his cloths. Perhaps, Arabs stole it."
"It’s a lie! Then there were no Arabs there!"
"Oh! That’s exactly what I wanted to begin with."
Inflatable chapels have been set up on Italian beaches. Local humorists say an inflatable chapel is the first step to an inflatable priest.
Two girls in bikini after sunbathing decided to visit the church of a male monastery. First they doubted if they could go there dressed like this, but finally took the risk. In the monastery, they at once heard remarks regarding their appearance and one of the girls said:
"I've told we should cover our heads!"
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