Religion

Jokes

8-year-old wife of a Saudi sheikh demanded her share of property after the divorce in ice cream.

A small town. A man comes to a church to confess.

"Holy Father, I've committed a sin. Yesterday evening I was drunk. It was the devil's work, I betrayed my devoted and loving wife with a prostitute who was standing near the gasoline at drive to the town."

"Don't blame yourself, my son, you didn't betray her…"

"???"

"The prostitute standing near the gasoline at drive to the town is your wife."

Two Jews, who are always quarelling with each other, meet in a synagogue. The Rabbi tells them:

"Today is Yom Kippur - the day when we have to ask each other for forgiveness and reconcile."

The Jews shake each others' hands and one of them pathetically says:

"Moisha, I wish you everything that you wish me."

"Haim, why are you starting all over again?!"

An elderly woman from Brooklyn makes a will and asks the Rabbi for advice:

"Rabbi, I have only two wishes I want you to convey to my children after my death. I want to be cremated – it is the first one. And my ashes should be dispersed above the trade center – it’s the second one."

"But why the trade center?"

"Then I can be sure my daughters will visit me twice a week."

Advanced shaman downloaded new melodies to his tambourine.

Feng Shui is a teaching, which makes Chinese happy from moving things in their flats

Once, a man hooked a perch in the river. The perch was big, but the only fish the man managed to hook, fishing was not successful. When he got home, he saw that something of spherical regular shape stick out of the perch’s stomach. It turned out to be a tortoise. It gave no signs of life, but its paws and head were undamaged. For the lack of anything better to do, the fisher filled a glass jar with water and threw the tortoise into it. In the morning, he found the tortoise alive and rushing around in the jar. He went to the store and bought it frozen shrimps, worms and other dainties…

It sometimes seems, that’s all, they’ll bite you to death, but when you open your eyes, you see pure water, no predators around and lots of food. Just a paradise! The tortoise’s been living in it for four years now.

The ancient people kept gathering on a glade for executing ritual dances to overcome a drought or to stop torrential rains. Nowadays they gather for the climate change struggle in Copenhagen for special conference.

A tycoon complains to a Feng Shui expert:

"It seems that I’ve done everything the right way, I have a house in the West, a goldfield in the East, I always spend my holiday in the South, but I’m not happy!"

"It’s all because you should have been behind the bars in the North long ago."

And December 2012 has come… And an asteroid has appeared in the sky. And it started falling on Earth. And the panic set up on Earth, Aztec calendar ended, apocalypses is coming!

And the asteroid fell down on the stone asteroid calendar. And it was dust. And it was an explosion wave and a new Aztec calendar appeared instead of the old one – till 32 118. And another smaller stone was found nearby. And it was an inscription on it, "Next calendar will be sent to your planet on the day when the old calendar ends. Thank you for using our stone calendars!"